6. Examples of Directly Addressing Hidden Agendas

The following examples are not meant to be comprehensive plans. Think of them as a good start to what you can do if you stay calm, focused, and proactively address the problem. Use your own wisdom, input from friends, our coaching services, and any other resources to design a game plan for your hidden agenda.

6a. Hidden Agenda #1 Lower stress and tension

Feeling tense and stressed is a commonly reported reason for getting off track from a weight loss game plan. Unfortunately, eating is quickly effective at decreasing tension. It may not last long or be followed by guilt, but it does decrease tension in your body.

To address your agenda of decreasing your stress and tension

1. Catch and label how you are feeling. Rate how tense you feel. Remind yourself why you are feeling this way. This will raise your awareness of the tension problem and make it stand out as a clear need, worthy of your attention.

2. Remind yourself that you can use food to lower the tension but that you don’t

have to. You have options and can find more effective ways to lower the stress. Remember how you’ll feel later, if you chose to use food.

3. Practice stress relief techniques

• deep breathing

• meditation

• muscle relaxation exercises

• catch and challenge stressful thoughts (i.e., demanding expectations, angry reactions to yourself or others)

4. Look to see if there is a problematic source to the stress. In addition to the normal stress of your busy life, consider the following contributors to stress.

If one or more apply, they may require additional attention

• overly committed to others

• avoiding making any mistakes

• demanding expectations of yourself

• fear of letting others down

To see more Examples of Directly Addressing Hidden Agendas, read our book, The Ten Hidden Barriers to Weight Loss and Exercise. Our coaching services may also be helpful!

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6b. Hidden Agenda #2 Relieve feelings of being deprived

A sense of deprivation is often described as an empty, tense, urgent feeling of lacking something critical. You likely don’t use the word "deprived", but that is how you feel. You may feel deprived of good tasting food, time for yourself, comfort, or recognition. You may also not know what it is you are missing. Deprivation is an intense feeling and will often trigger a quick attempt to get away from it. Getting off track by snacking, binging or some other off track action will temporarily relieve the deprived feelings.

To address your feelings of deprivation, try

1. Recognize and monitor when you feeling deprived. What does it feel like to you? When does it typically happen? What is happening around you? Keep track of when you feel deprived and learn about what triggers this feeling for you. Awareness of the feeling can help you catch it early, before you act impulsively.

2. Understand why you are feeling deprived. Step back think of why the deprived feeling is happening. Are you meeting the needs of others, while neglecting your own? Is your weight loss plan overly restrictive or controlling? What are you missing in your life? An accurate explanation can help you understand your actions and give you new directions for how to address it.

3. Challenge your thoughts of deprivation. You may be in the habit of thinking of yourself as deprived. It may be deprived in general or it may be just for a quick moment when you are hungry. Either way, thinking you are deprived will trigger a quick reaction to relieve it. Look for and challenge your quick thoughts of " I’m starving!", "I’m so empty", or "I always have to go without".

4. Banish the rules and musts. Having strict, restrictive rules about what you can or cannot do may be setting you up for a fall. Eventually you will feel controlled and deprived and be at risk for an impulsive trip off track from your goal. Challenge the wisdom of extreme rules and restrictions. Moderation usually wins in the long run.

5. Begin addressing what is missing. You may be feeling a lacking of something important in your life. It may be companionship, fun, love or any number of things. Try to identify what you feel is missing and begin to address this problem directly.

To see more Examples of Directly Addressing Hidden Agendas, read our book, The Ten Hidden Barriers to Weight Loss and Exercise. Our coaching services may also be helpful!

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